Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
