So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
