remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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