three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think my moral compass just broke
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