just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
