Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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