which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
