so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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