I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
