Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
