don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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