I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
