I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
