tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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