Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
