yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
