My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
