I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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