You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
