Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
