My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
