me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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