you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
