Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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