So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
