sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
