i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
