Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
