Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
