i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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