My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
