i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
