Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
