Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
