ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
