then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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