Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
