i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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