How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
