Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
