just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
