i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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