she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
