I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think your dad took our porno
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
