I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
