your thong is hanging out like whoa
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
