Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just pee around me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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