you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
