All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
