if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
