You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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