I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
